Winter truly catches up with us.
Both kids go sick with something that brings down hundreds, (yep actual hundreds), of children and teachers from the eldest’s school. I spend my time on high alert between both bubbas – filling hot water bottles and hovering with a bowl. Then I get Phlebitis in both legs and have to rest in between the now back at school, “hobbles” Backwards and forwards. Legs up in between. Man I am so frustrated and bored! I promise myself to make up some jewellery during this recoup period, and I manage it because the Silver comes in the post and I am unable to wait any longer!
Before the Phlebitis kicks in I drive out to Tynemouth with two of my single friends who share the love of getting out of the city and onto the beach in Winter. When single and / or widowed you need to get out and you need the company of people who understand your need. Seek mutual need and appreciation – it works for everyone. Whilst being married or in a relationship is fun and good for you – being in a bad one or one that is not dealing with it’s real problems – is not. It gets progressively worse the longer the problems go on, unaddressed. Seen it before, done it before and got a wardrobe full of T Shirts. Nothing is worth the wrong relationship. You HAVE to be in love, simple as.
My single friends get this and as such there’s little to lament as we have our lives prepared the way we want them and in time someone who complements that will turn up. It’s a freedom I thought I would never have again and as such whenever I remember that I won’t ever have the family dream life, (same fathers anyone?!), that I actually have a better chance of a relationship / marriage in the future free from constraints of having had children with such person. Basically it’s likely going to be a divorcee or someone who is really sorted about not wanting their own or anymore kids or a young family dynamic. And I think that sounds like fun.
So whilst I relish the relationship waiting in the wings I do like to make the best of the single aspect, for now it seems I am good with this part. I find myself at the mercy of the Widow tag so often from others that I want to say here’s the deal once and for all. Yes I am sad sometimes. Yes I think of the good times often. I don’t deny the bad ones. I like my new life but I don’t know it – I am Alice in Widowland thinking I am talking to the cat and it disappears. One minute I am big. The next I am small. I don’t fit any of those doors people want me to go through. I am travelling uncharted waters and I can’t make it without my friends sailing by and picking me up from time to time. I was never a strong swimmer yet now I am an Olympic life athlete. In a fantasy world full of people just getting on with it, never questioning it. I feel wholesome when I consider that I left Facebook behind because it gives many people a chance to either silently spy or further facilitate a false sense of well being. Not because I miss the people, I like the people mainly. But don’t shrug me off with a blue thumb or promise me a ton of actions you will never take. Perhaps if we are made legally responsible for all promises made on the internet the internet might actually be put to good use.
The circus does not need another clown.
Byeeeeee! Heather Xx
Side Note: DM or email me for a copy of the Forever & More zine, it’s not on etsy but I will post out in good time for Valentines Day X